Boo Government

I spend too much time on Reddit. I freely admit this. I’ve curated my feed to focus primarily on writing, but with plenty of forays into other topics like Art Deco design features, astrophotography, history, retrofuturism, and artwork to inspire my stories, like Imaginary Technologies. I’ve also been a long-time subscriber to the Marvel forum, since I love all things Marvel comic related, especially the recent crop of movies. So when a recent post went off about how the Avengers got jobbed by the Sokovia accords since the government had done at least as much damage to the world as the Avengers had, I joined in. I decided to do a break down of each movie and how much the government was to blame for the death and destruction rained down about the civilian population.

Note: it turns out to be hard to cleanly delineate between the “Boo, government!” and “Way to go, government!” ratings. Sometimes the government took an action off screen that led to the results on screen. Sometimes their actions were more overt and less obvious. But I’ll attempt to explain my logic as I go through each of the man movies that Marvel has released as we examine the theory that “Government is more destructive than the super heroes they want to control.”

 

Ironman: in this movie, an industrialist who sells military equipment creates his own suit of armor after stealing Tony’s arc reactor, causing damage to a Stark facility as well as several local traffic incidents, and quite probably several sets of soiled underwear. I want to say “Boo, government!” here because of how other Stark weapons often ended up in the hand of foreign armies, but that really was Obadiah who took action without government authorization.

RESULT: No government action caused damage. “Yeah government!”

 

The Incredible Hulk: (note: this film IS part of the MCU canon, and you can’t say otherwwise, na na, neener, neener). General Ross makes mistakes that leads to a South American bottling facility, an American college campus, and eventually a big swath of Harlem, New York, being trashed. He is clearly working for the government to try and capture the hulk, but had he not taken action, nothing would have been damaged.

RESULT: Government activity totally confirmed. “Boo government!”

 

Iron Man 2: A mean industrialist working under government contract gets his hands on the arc reactor design and they trash the Stark expo.This is done with clear government authority, who wants the technology under their control.

RESULT: Government activity confirmed, though back stage. “Boo government!” Though mostly not your fault I’m sure that the industrialist turned out to be a ninny. Still, BOO!

 

Thor: Thor arrives on Midguard (aka, Earth, aka, “The planet that gets its ass kicked often by intergalactic assholes”) and has to fight a metal monster sent from Asgard to kill him, resulting in a small town being devastated. However, the government has nothing to do with any of this… unless you count Odin as government, and Loki as government when Odin is temporarily incapacited. Local earth government, though, is what we are concerned with here, and their only action is to build a nice roof over Mjolnir to keep it warm and dry when it rains.

RESULT: Government not responsible, and quite helpful. “Yeah government!”

 

Captain America: Well, it was set in WWII. I suppose this is ALL about bad governments doing bad things to good people.

RESULT: Government totally responsible for the death of millions and turning Cap into a cap-cicle. “Boo government!”

 

The Avengers: It’s the government’s activities in researching the Tesseract that brings Loki to earth. Later, the world security council totally thinks its an awesome idea to nuke one of earth’s biggest cities to stop an invasion, which the Avengers manage to prevent. I mean, that’s a TOTAL douche move.

RESULT: Government fairly responsible here for the results, even if the invasion wasn’t their idea. “Boo government!”

 

Iron man 3: Killian’s research is not funded by government action. Therefore, I can’t really see much government fault here except James Rhodey’s actions as the Iron Patriot, which he wasn’t always in control of.

RESULT: Government not really responsible. “Yeah government!”

 

Thor:Dark World: Galatic elves shitting all over the universe are… really stupid. But the damage done to Greenwich, England, had nothing to any local earth government actions.

RESULT: Government not responsible. “Yeah government!”

 

Winter Soldier: Oh fuck, the government just TOTALLY trashed a big portion of DC and rained death and destruction on millions, and was about to straight up murderize millions with their uber new flying death ships. Sure, blame Hydra, but it was you government folks who let them sneak in under your noses. FAIL! Bigly! You let Trump in, and this is… I mean HYDRA… oh never mind, they’re pretty much the same thing.

RESULT: Government totally and awesomely responsible. “Boo government!”

 

Guardians of the Galaxy: No local earth government involvement here. We are all Groot.

RESULT: Government not responsible. “Yeah, government!”

 

Avengers: Ultron: Alright, this one requires a more thorough breakdown. By now the Avengers are clearly working on their own with no SHIELD oversight (since SHIELD shit the bed bigtime in Winter Soldier). Tony creates a weirdo murder bot who goes on to star in Syntax, Linux, and Video Tapes. Okay, maybe not. Well anyways, the murder bot weirdo gets the bright idea of dropping a whole city on the planet from a great height (which, I have to admit, is quit possible the most stupid AND awesome idea of a super villain ever) which will wipe out life on earth. The remnants of SHIELD do show up at the end to help save Sokovians, so… good? Mostly? We’ll go with that.

RESULT: No real government involvement in the murder bot plot. “Yeah government!”

 

Ant-man: The government backed the original ant-man research, through SHIELD (of course, those fuck ups). That research was later recruited by a rogue scientist, who hoped to sell it to other goverments and/or crazy ass TRUMP… um, HYRDRA… people, depending on who had the most money. Government? Not government? Meh… I’m going with government.

RESULT: Tenuous government connection. “Boo government!”

 

Captain America: Civil War:  and now we reach the accords, so I think we can stop keeping tally from here on out… but where would the fun be in that? Here, once the accords are in place, Tony and his team are acting for them, with their express permission. Thus, all the damage after the first half of the film is directly attributable to government forces, and the airport takes the brunt of the damage. Ho, ho, ho!

RESULT: Government responsible for all the damage in the second half. “Boo government!”

 

Doctor Strange: There was no real government involvement here, and no lasting damage was done thanks to the deus ex machina of the time stone.

RESULT: Government not responsible. “Yeah, government!”

 

Guardians 2: no government involvement here except for some wacky genetically superior and mondo stupid alien cultures. Golden people are DUMB! Also note, EGO is a real mysogynistic creep with icky needs. Bleck.

RESULT: No government (local earth, not dumb gold people) involvement. “Yeah, government!”

 

Spider-man: Homecoming: Hmmm… I’m going to let the government off the hook since they didn’t directly get involved and were actively trying to protect the alien technology from outside use, although their lack of any real security led to the Vulture getting all that juicy tech.

RESULT: No government involvement except stupidity. “Yeah, government!”

 

Thor: Ragnorak: Almost totally in outerspace. No local earth involvement other than kicking old folks out of their group home, you bastards.

RESULT: Minor government involvement in treating old folks like they’re dispensable. “Meh, government.” (Fine, fine… “Yeah, government!”)

 

Black Panther: The CIA was involved heavily, and as king of Wakanda, T’Challa himself is government. Therefore, much of the damage here can be attributed to the actions and poor choices of government. Yes, the whole thing is a vengeance story, but who started the whole vengeance line? T’Challa’s daddy, that’s who. Thanks Uncle James!

RESULT: Government involvement. “Boo, government!”

 

Avengers: Infinity War: I don’t really see any government involvement here, and most of this takes place off-world anyways, so there’s limited damage to earth.

RESULT: No government involvedment. “Yeah, government!”

 

Tally:

“Boo, government!” – 8

“Yeah, government!” – 11

Well government gets off the hook, although just barely. And if you look at everything up to the accords, “Boo, government!” takes the lead, 7 to 6. So I’mma just gonna say, “Boo government!” You did as much damage as the Avengers and were equally responsible. Why don’t you govern yourself, you creeps?

See? I really waste too much time on Reddit….

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